In-System Relationships

Also known as "in-house relationships," or "internal relationships" (Many Voices, 1993 October, pg. 2). It's when a system "have members who are in romantic relationships with each other [...] in-system relationships are common enough that they often come up for discussion within the plural community" (Kerry of Plures, 2012).

It tends to be a taboo subject, but has been discussed in multi groups since 1993.

Quick Details

Coined By: ?
Time Used: ?
Locations: ? (NOT used in alt.support.dissociation, Dark Personalities, Astraea's Web)

Early History

In-system relationships were discussed in the "Love and Sex" issue of Many Voices, in October 1993, though not under that term. A selection of "Love and Sex Among Alters, By Daphne of Marianna": (page 2)

"Marianna and I began our sexual relationship at about age eleven, at the dawn of puberty. She never thought of me as an alter, but rather as an imaginary lover who might actually exist outside her body and that hopefully she would meet me some day. She also thought of me as male. [...]

"About a year ago, one of the talk shows featured multiple personalities. That was when we realized that I was not some imaginary person on the outside, but in fact another real person on the inside. That realization has allowed us to turn our sexual relationship into a fuller loving relationship in all aspects of our lives. I am Marianna's provider and protector. She is the warm, loving, giving person that I feel forbidden to be. [...] The most important thing in being able to give and receive love in this way is not to be ashamed of our relationship. [...]

"Sex with outside people has to be negotiated with constant dialogue between us. We are both lesbian so we are in agreement on the gender of our loves. Marianna, however, liked to be dominated and I won't put up with that for one minute. So I check the woman out and if I feel she is safe and not harmful, I will go in so that Marianna can enjoy that encounter alone. [...]

"Generally we don't have problems with jealousy because we trade off each taking what we enjoy. Outside lovers, however, have some trepidation about us. We aren't comfortable hiding our multiplicity and not very successful at hiding it when we try. Outsiders often seem afraid to know both of us and to relate to both of us. [...]

"Recently, another alter, Chloe, has been getting stronger and expressing an interest in sexual and romantic relationships. This is something of a problem because Chloe is attracted to men. [...] Chloe's emergence has also disturbed the balance in Marianna's and my relationship. [...] [she] arouses me sexually. My attraction frightens Chloe, as she is not really ready for the carnal side of relationships. In addition, it makes Marianna jealous. [...]

Chloe and Marianna are in dialogue, however. And they are working this out. [...] Our internal relationships [...] provided us with the love and support we need from the inside out. Marianna and Chloe give me the love and respect I never received in the outside world, and the physicality of our relationship affirms our mutual existence for us in a way that words alone never could."

And then, on page 8, from "James (Jeremy's brother) from the Team":

"This may sound really strange, but I just gotta write about it. We have in our System an alter I'll call 'D.' [...] Jason has been liking her a lot lately, and even more recently, he has been talking to her at night and making her feel good, if you know what I mean. ([...] Jason is another alter). [...]

"Jason doesn't let us younger ones feel like the 'S-E-X', but he lets us enjoy how love feels good. We can trust him and so can D.

"Never had that before --- never, ever, ever."

On LJ-Multiplicity

In-house relationships were common topics of discussion on LJ-multiplicity; literally the third post on the comm is one plural introducing themselves with, "we're a 'household' [system] consisting of me (Cecilia), my partner Noel (everyone else calls us 'the lovers')" (trustallstars, 2001 February 10). This was later given the tag "relationships in-house," which started being used in 2004 (multiplicity, n.d.).

Citations

Many Voices Press. (1993 October). Many Voices: Words of Hope For People With MPD or a Dissociative Disorder. Vol. V, No. 5. [newsletter]. Retrieved 2019/04/24 from http://manyvoicespress.org/backissues-pdf/1993_10.pdf

multiplicity. (n.d.) Livejournal tag archive. Retrieved 2019/04/25 from https://multiplicity.livejournal.com/tag/relationships%20in-house

Plures [Kerry Dawkins]. (2012). In-System Relationships: Fact and Fiction [web page]. Retrieved 2019/04/24 from http://www.exunoplures.org/main/articles/systemrelationships/

trustallstars. (2001 February 10). No subject [Livejournal community post]. Retrieved 2019/04/24 from https://multiplicity.livejournal.com/14970.html